Just notes

We had a really good weekend. In retrospect. I'm remembering some exhaustion on my part and some angry words between the husband and myself, but it feels like we had a good weekend. On Friday I had my second interview and it went really, really well. I'm just crossing my fingers and hoping for some good news this morning!! The office doesn't open till 8:30, so no reason to be concerned yet. They did ask for permission to process my background check. That has to be good news. Conner seemed to grow this weekend. He's filling out and looking like a "real boy". His hair is still awesome. :) By the way - took some pictures with a friends camera on Friday, so I will be posting those as soon as she gets them uploaded! Yay! Back to the C-man. He's still throwing the worst fits I could never imagine, but he surprises us more and more with all that he's learning! He can count to three. I'm sure he doesn't know that's what he's doing, but still! He sings along with the ABC's...he even gets a few letters in the right place! He has been requesting Shaun and I dance together quite often...he will sometimes start to cut a rug with us, but then acts shy and seems to prefer to watch. The new favorite activity is playing dress-up, so I'm determined to acquire an extra "closet" of large clothes for him to play in. He also likes to wear my heels. I love it. Shaun, not so much. Jack and Henry are out of control and getting way too big way too fast. Jack now sits himself up in his crib when he wakes up and cries and it's the cutest sight ever. He's started wrestling with Conner and it's pretty funny to watch. He enjoyed eating frozen peas last night while I made dinner! Luckily, none made in into the nose. Henry is moving a little bit slower in the mobility department, but he is so chatty!! He will babble on and on and his big eyes are always moving around and appearing to take everything in. He did eat an entire Biter Biscuit yesterday without dropping it! He's really good with his hand/eye coordination and he seems to be taking his time really learning how to crawl instead of just doing what works - such as Jack's scoot/pull/crawl thing. They are so much fun!!! When we go to the park, I let them get out and explore the soft ground (if applicable), or climb around on the stairs. We are so lucky to live near a not-busy park and they have so much fun "playing"! Both love being on the swings, so that is always entertaining. They are almost too big to squeeze into the same swing now! We did a few park trips over the weekend - Conner running around like the wild man he is. He wears himself (and us!) out by just running and sliding and picking things up and throwing dirt (no, no, no) and just being so BOY. :) We also took everyone to the grocery store and used one of the big carts for the first time! The twins in the top seat and Conner riding in the "car". I'm so proud of my family I did a couple extra laps to make sure everyone got a chance to see. :) We went for a few walks around the neighborhood. One thing Shaun and I definitely agree on is what a great neighborhood we are living in. Nice houses and friendly people. It just feels good to be able to walk anywhere and have people waving as you go by. When we move, we are definitely hoping to stay very nearby. Well, I had some specific stories in mind, but I'm a little sleepy and preoccupied with all that I need to accomplish today! I will try to hop on the computer when they come back to mind.

Debbie Downer?

Geez, I'm reading over my posts and I realize I haven't told a cute, funny story for a while! Terrible. What made me laugh today? Conner's vocabulary is fabulous. Some of my favorites are tree, sheeps (which means chips, not the animal), where? (said with both hands turned up at his armpits), daddy, mama, Jacque! (always said with some strange accent and a forceful ending - hence, the exclamation point), Enree, chatchup, gogert (yogurt). As I'm typing this and thinking fondly of my big boy, he is proceeding to throw a tantrum for no apparent reason. Okay, the moment is gone. The tantrum moment, that is. He's laughing at "Momas" (Thomas) the cat. I'll tell you about this cat. We have two. Thomas and Napoleon. Napoleon is a random cat. He shows up to eat and sleeps on our bed sometimes, but usually just hangs in the yard...terrorizing birds. He catches quite a few and brings them in each time for our enjoyment. Nice guy. Thomas, on the other hand, is a lover. He wants to sleep on your chest and just live in your mouth. When he was a kitten he could jump from the floor to your shoulder. This was always interesting when someone would come over for the first time. I would tell everyone when they walked in the door, "Watch out for the white cat. If he looks up at you and starts to shake his butt, move." Did anybody believe me? Nope. Sure enough, mid-conversation, guest would be startled by a hurtling white mass leaping from the ground and clawing with all four paws to hold on for dear life to whatever body part he landed at. We were nervous before Conner was born and gave both cats to my sister for a while. She fell in love and would have kept them, but then she moved and we got the boys back. (yep, even our animals are freakin' male) Okay, Thomas is fantastic with the kids. Conner has tortured that cat since he moved back. Tugging, pulling hair and tail - hard, laying down on him, beating him with various household objects. Now, the twins have joined the fun. Oh, how I wish we had a video camera. It's on the list of "to be bought". Anyway, Henry just likes to watch the cats walk around and he will reach out to touch them. Jack, on the other hand, goes full force, both hands, grabbing hair and attempting to get his mouth around whatever he grabs. It's hilarious, but I'm pretty sure the cats aren't a fan. Honestly, though, they can walk away any time they want, right? They love it. Would you believe neither cat has been declawed and these boys have never gotten even a little scratch. Good kitties! I'll post all of my America's Funniest Home Video-misses tomorrow. Always funny!

I can sit at the computer and read other people's blogs for hours. Today, I stumbled upon one that has had me crying for the past 20 minutes. http://multiplebaby.blogspot.com/ Everytime I read something sad about someone losing a baby, I want to hug all of my boys and never let go. I am in awe of how strong these women are. I hope I never have to learn my own strength. I am a wreck when they get a boo-boo. The decision this woman had to make is the hardest thing I can even imagine. Each blog that mentions the son she lost is so heartfelt and I feel as though I'm right there with her. I want to be her friend. I want to be her sister. I want to just hold her hand and tell her stories of my boys and let her pretend my Jack is the one she lost. I know none of these things can help, but I am so affected by her story. I thought about e-mailing her, but what would I say? There are no words. I'm sure she has a strong family and friend network. I'm not anybody in the grand scheme of things...just another mom who feels too lucky sometimes because my 3 boys have been healthy since birth. I get scared of when I'll have to face my biggest nightmare and deal with something serious. I don't mind ignorance. I hope I never have to prove that I can hold on even in the wake of a storm. So, to you, mom of Katie, Charlotte, and Jack, you are a hero in my eyes. If you ever need another friend, I would love to be that person.

Looking up?

Okay, okay, interview this morning went very well! Hopefully I will hear back today or tomorrow and get this job thing underway! Meanwhile, I'm avoiding the massive laundry pile and dishes to write a happy blog. :) I just called the twins' sitter and she says the boys are in rare form today. Jack is chasing the other little girl she watches around and squealing with delight. Both of the guys are desperately trying to figure out how to pull up on the toys the little girl has already discovered. Even this morning, at home, it was nearly impossible to get ready to go! You can't just leave the room anymore...you come back to an empty room and have to do a baby search! Conner was being a typical 2 year old (so my mom says), so we were trying to calm him down with cinnamon rolls and Elmo. Then you look over to see Jack back at the outlet. Even though, seconds before, he was clear across the room! First step when we move, we will be 110% child-proofing EVERYTHING. It's amazing how badly I wanted the twins to "grow up" and now I'm super sad. Super, super sad. They are impossible to keep in one spot without being strapped in to something. They are noisy. They are next to impossible to transport anywhere, even! The car seats alone aren't heavy, but add those 20+ pounders and you get quite a work out! Sigh. I am so full of love for these crazy guys. Yay.

I cry and I cry and I cry...

it accomplishes nothing. A quick disclaimer for this post: There are absolutely NO thoughts of suicide and/or homicide. This is my only means of therapy and I'm going to be frank. You can still be whoever you are. :) That cheered me up a little. I'm so tired of being broke. I'm tired of borrowing money. I'm tired of being bailed out by family members. I'm just plain tired of all of it. I would like to get back to some normalcy. Money in the checking account, a little padding in the savings account, husband bitching about his job without me worrying he will come home early tomorrow, me going to work and coming home and enjoying my time with my family. Enough of my stomach dropping just because I see Shaun's car in the driveway earlier than expected. Enough of not even checking the account because I don't want to see the red numbers with the negative sign in front. Just plain ENOUGH. The possible living situation requires a co-signer. I'm not comfortable asking anyone in my family because I don't have an actual job yet. Of course, they are all very confident I will find one easily, but I don't have one secured. It's not enough that Shaun is working...not with his track record. He doesn't seem to get it. He thinks my family is being mean because they don't trust him...I'd like to know when exactly he feels he earned any trust. They all think he's a great guy and a great father, but they really haven't yet seen that he can hold one job for longer than 6 months. And that one time it went for 6 months pretty much looks like a fluke right about now. Unfortunately, his family has bad credit, so they can't help. The one thing that makes me smile every minute of my day is my boys. They are the cutest, most amazing, perfect creatures I have ever laid eyes on and, sometimes, my crying is simply because I love them more than I can even describe. There are no words to explain how I feel when I look at them. I sneak in the twins room every night several times just to watch them sleep. On weekends, when they're napping, I could sit in there and stare all day. (at least all two hours) Conner drives me crazy with his 2 year old tantrums, but then he will look at me, pat the seat next to him and say, "Mama" and my heart melts. Literally, melts. I don't remember life before them, I don't want to ever think about life without them again. They absolutely, positively, 100% complete me. They are the reason I was born. Not a second of my day goes by without a thought about what Conner is getting in to, or what Jack might be learning, or what Henry is observing. I will admit to enjoying my alone time, but sometimes I feel a desperation just to be with them again. Wow. Sounds like I'm hooked, huh? I just wish things would fall into place all at once! It seems like everything will be just awful, then one thing will look better, then another, then another...just when I start to get excited, something I didn't even plan on going wrong will! Then I just get down and things start to tumble. We dust off, try again, and the cycle continues. I know everyone has problems like this, but I just don't know how to keep going. How do you get past wanting to just throw in the towel and move back in with your parents and curl up in the fetal position and pretend YOU are the baby again? How do you take slap after slap in the face and still go right on pushing that rock up the hill? I have felt a desperate need to get to church for a while now, but I still manage to keep making excuses each Sunday. My excuses are beginning to sound pathetic to even me. I've never been one for religion, but I do recognize my spiritual needs are not being met. I just don't even try to find time to quietly pray and reflect anymore. Maybe that's something I had hoped this blog would provide me...a medium for my jumbled thoughts. A way to get everything out and then go back and re-read later. I'm tired now. Crying will do that to a girl.

Get off the computer!

Okay, I have a million things to be doing, but I am thoroughly enjoying my time at home alone...is that awful? Conner started his new daycare this morning. No tears from him when I dropped him off, but I left with a huge guilty feeling and started crying in the car. For some reason I even felt bad dropping the twins off!! However, this is all necessary in order for my life to get back to some sort of routine. I need to find a good job, clean the house, get all the clothes down from the attic, and possibly even start doing some boxing up of things. We may have found a suitable living situation for the end of August, so I guess it's not too early to start now. Especially considering how chaotic this place is when everyone IS home. Today's goals include a visit to the high school I'm hoping will hire me, finishing all the laundry, changing everyone's sheets, and maybe even a 30 minute nap for momma!

Some smart cookies!

Big learning day!!! I forgot to mention yesterday something Jack did that wasn't ridiculous. :) Hot dog. Anyway, he was crawling and he stopped and sat up! Very cute. Jack is very much super close to pulling up completely on things. Tomorrow morning I will be lowering the crib mattresses! Henry started semi-crawling this evening. I definitely think he would have mastered it if he wasn't completely exhausted and needing to go to bed. Both boys were really good today...ate lots and slept a little, but went down for the evening with NO fuss or muss. Awesome. Conner, on the other hand...what a gem. This is what I say when I feel there is really nothing to say. He had a pretty good day. A few tantrums and some baby-slapping, but nothing too bad. We played with finger paints this afternoon (outside) and he painted up his diaper, legs, and belly. Almost nothing made it on to the paper. A little got to Henry's face, though. Tomorrow is his first day at the new daycare! I'm excited and sad all at once. I am definitely ready to get back into the work force and develop our whole new routine, but I think I was getting the hang of being with my big guy all the time. I'm crazy, I know. Cross fingers and toes tomorrow!!! I'm determined to get out there and find something perfect! Of course, if I end up with any time at home the house will not only be cleaned top to bottom, but rearranged as well. I also have been meaning to get up in the attic and get down some more "new" clothes for the twins...finish the laundry once and for all...start boxing up things we don't use...maybe catch up on some sleep? That would be nuts. I can't believe I'll have the house to my self. Is it weird that I'm kind of feeling bad about taking all the boys to sitters even though I'm not going to work yet? Sigh. The mind of a mother. A little scattered, but definitely full of love.

Jack stuck a piece of hot dog up his nose. It came out with a sneeze. We didn't even know it was up there! Does this make us bad parents? We had a really good (LONG) day! We actually did not much of anything, but it felt like a lot. I think it was a combination of getting up several times over night (must've been overly tired), waking up super early, and none of the kids took naps at the same times. So, it's 7 and I just got the twins to bed and Shaun is working on Conner. I already have my celebratory bowl of ice cream and I'm gearing up for some Pathwords on Facebook. :) Ah, Saturday night. So, we had found a great townhouse to move in to, but we decided today to turn it down. The landlord was not impressing me with his attitude and I just didn't feel quite right about it (or him). We're going to stick it out in the house for at least another month to save money and maybe even move into an apartment. Ugh. We just need a couple years of saving, saving, saving in order to afford the size of house we're going to need with these big boys! And big momma!! A few more years of nightly ice cream and the necessary house size just might double! I am gearing up for a big job hunting week and hope to have great news for everyone soon!! Good night.

Just a quick ending to my day...

What a good day! It had it's poor moments, but overall went quite well. BTW - the job. No. They can't afford me...which sucks because I went over it a million different ways in my head to try to make it work. It's just not going to. Sigh. Back to careerbuilder, I guess. Anyway, I ran in to a new friend yesterday and she suggested we get together for a bbq tonight. So, we did. We had a really good time and the kids were actually quite decent. Henry had to have a nap in their bed, but otherwise everyone else was well-behaved. Or at least "normal" behaved. Conner had a big time entertaining and running around. Jack started talking! Uh-ga-uh-ga-uh-ga. Awesome. He was babbling on as though he had been doing it forever! So, we just got home and the twins went right to bed, while Conner is getting a quick bath before turning in. Hey, mama is headed "in" as well. Good night!

Fun Info about ME today!

I am a daily reader of a blog and she did this today. I thought it was a good idea for what is starting out as an overcast, lazy Friday. Wait, did I say "lazy"? In all honesty, I have my 2nd interview today at noon and I'm trying to get my mind to quit freaking out and imagining all the things that can go wrong!!

Enjoy!!

Four jobs I’ve had

1. Weight loss counselor at LA Weight Loss
2. Smoothie maker (college job specifically to fund spring break)
3. Medical Assistant to a plastic surgeon (yuk!)
4. Apartment community manager

Four movies I could watch over and over

1. Magnolia
2. Drop Dead Fred
3. Hedwig and the Angry Inch (I picked just one of all my musicals...)
4. Goonies
5. There are so many others, I just wanted to say I had a really hard time picking only four!

Four places I have lived

1. Nashville, TN
2. Marietta, OH
3. Dexter, MI
4. Independence, MO

Four TV shows I like

1. America's Best Dance Crew
2. Last Comic Standing
3. Dr. Phil (total guilty pleasure)
4. So You Think You Can Dance

Four favorite foods

1. Pizza
2. Cheeseburgers
3. Chocolate
4. Pub Mix

Four places I would rather be

1. Charlottesville, VA
2. Barbados (the real one)
3. Hawaii
4. Tokyo (this is a place I want to visit - never been)

Four people I’m tagging

I'm not tagging anybody because I'm not really in this whole blog community just yet! Anyone who reads this, please comment on your faves.

Oh these boys!

Jack almost choked to death on an outlet cover yesterday. It takes Shaun and I a screwdriver to get those damn things out of the outlets, but he just crawls right over and plucks it out like it's no big deal. I admit it's a bit of an exaggeration...he did get the whole thing in his mouth and I had to pry it out while he cried, though. Scary! He is full force crawling now and love, love, loves to find any paper anywhere and put that in his mouth! However, when he finds Cheerios or other edible items, he just smooshes them in his hand. Henry can't crawl. What he CAN do, however, is lay on his belly and head bang repeatedly. Then, he will stop suddenly and get up on all fours and look as though he is really going to do it this time...but, no, always back down for more head banging. Reminds me of my youth. Ha, ha. Henry can also talk and babble and laugh like it's nobody's business. He has jokes for days. Conner is still acting 2. I have nothing else to say about that right now.

Another day in the life

Well, on a bad note - I'm tired, tired, tired of being broke and having to use cheap diapers, cheap wipes, cheap formula. None of these things a happy baby make. Sigh. Happy notes only!!! Conner and I went to the park today for our weekly playdate and he found a bunch of young girls to play soccer with. He ran, ran, ran himself in to an early nap that I am expecting to last at least 3 hours. Apparently I know nothing about older children because I thought these girls were at least 13-14, but it turns out they were more like 10-11. Mom won't let them babysit yet. Damn. :) The twins have been in rare form good moods the past couple days! Henry is still weaned and only drinking bottles, but he will drink breast milk from a bottle now, so at least I am not throwing away all my pumped goods. Jack has learned some new noises and he does them loudly and proudly! It's very cute because he has the damned cutest smile ever. He just grins and shows off that one 1/2 tooth protruding from his lower gums. Aww. I know, I know...post pictures already! Well, I'm determined that a digital camera is on our must-have-very-soon list, so it shouldn't be too long now when we will be back in the constant picture snapping game. On the job front - I have made a follow up phone call to the one I interviewed for last week and I am just waiting to (hopefully) hear back today, so I can know where I stand with that. I hate to "put my eggs in one basket", but I just know I'm fully qualified and they would be crazy not to hire me! I hope they feel the same. :)

Funny stuff

I know I'm not supposed to laugh when Conner does bad things, but sometimes you can't help it!!! Yesterday I had a bright idea to load everyone up and go to the park where there was a band playing. We packed grapes and watermelon (faves), a big blanket (sheet) for everyone to sit on, and a couple balls to throw around. I had read the concert started at 3, so we left as soon as Conner woke up from his way-too-long nap. 4:30. At the park there was an art festival, so we figured the concert was somewhere around there...we lucked out with a fantastic, up front parking spot and loaded everyone up in the strollers. After walking around the entire art festival, I thought maybe the concert was somewhere else in the park...90 degrees does not make for good walking weather (through grass, no less), so we gave up and assumed it had ended earlier. Turns out I was right about it being somewhere else...another park. I'm an idiot. Okay, on to the funny stuff. Conner likes to impersonate Cookie Monster sometimes and put his hands around his mouth and yell "yum, yum, yum, yum"...you get the drift. Well, he was doing this with watermelon and it was going everywhere. Somehow I couldn't help but bust out laughing. (pictures would be good here) Then, he was eating grapes and I wasn't paying attention and heard a giggle. Just a little giggle. I turned around just in time to see Conner inhale and shoot the grape out his mouth and hit Henry. Nice. Unfortunately, I had to hide my face because of my laughter and this gave him the chance to reach out, pick the grape back up, and do it again! Poor Henry. By the time we got home he was covered in watermelon and grape spit. I think all the fresh air and hot sun must have made all three boys a little delirious because everyone was laughing last night. Jack was laughing LOUDLY about running his walker into the wall. Repeatedly. Then he found me by the stove and "chased" me around the kitchen...all the while just cracking up. I definitely don't remember Conner out right laughing this early. It was a good father's day. For everyone.

Sad day

Well, for me it is. Henry has weaned himself. He has officially not nursed in over 24 hours. You would think I would be happy about this...it's what I've been dreading - the whole "process" - and I had been hoping it would somehow just happen, but I feel like it's too soon! Even though I have been telling people I was trying since 6 months old. Sigh. It feels like he doesn't need me anymore! He lets Shaun rock him to sleep, drinks a bottle of formula just fine...maybe I'm sad because he still seems so little to me? I just keep remembering how sweet he looked and how happy he would be the second he latched on. He has been nursing since day one in the hospital, and I felt like I might even end up having to go to his school in kindergarten for snacks and lunch time! Turns out my baby Henry is growing up all on his own. He even slept through the night since he stopped nursing. Another "victory" that I'm not so sure how I'm feeling about. If I'm this upset about weaning, what am I going to do when all these boys start going to school and spending nights over at friend's houses?!? Jack, however, is still going strong. Thankfully, because I feel like I'm producing enough for an army!! I think what's making me most upset is that I have officially made the decision to go back to work and I'm starting to stress about spending enough time with all my boys. I love when I get a chance to spend time with each individually, but there just aren't enough hours in the day. I do know I will appreciate our times together more once I'm back working. I know it's what we need...it's just hard to completely convince my heart.

FRUSTRATED!

I truly only want to post funny, happy moments in my life, but I just can't even find any today! The twins are driving me crazy with this "up every couple hours" business...I remember being a little stressed out when the big man was this age, but it is SO much harder with two! Not to mention the two year old I have to play with and entertain all day. What I wouldn't give for one full night's sleep...and everyone to wake up in a good freakin' mood in the morning. Is it really too much to ask? Am I a bad mother for wanting this?